I wannas sexs uuuuu
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
