Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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