Tell her she can't have a vagina
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
