Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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