Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
