Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
