There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
