I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
