That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You can't motorboat a personality
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
