i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize