Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize