Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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