I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
