Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
