I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
