i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
