Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
