You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
