I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
