Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
