i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
