Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
