sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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