Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
