The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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