i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize