He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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