Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i now understand why vodka
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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