So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
