I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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