So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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