i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
