I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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