She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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