I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
