Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
