You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
