Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize