even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
