i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
