Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
