3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
