It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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