is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
