the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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