Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
