I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
