So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
