and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
