Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
