If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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