dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
