Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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