I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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