did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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