tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
