Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
