Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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