Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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