WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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