I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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