Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
