ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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